January 16, 2006
Swimming Events are all Wet
Why is it that medals are given out for so many swimming styles? For example, a swimmer can get a gold medal for being the fastest person to travel 100 meters using the backstroke. Then we'll find out who can get the best time for using the breaststroke. Don't forget to add the butterfly competition or the freestyle (essentially the crawl).
How ridiculous. Just think if we used this approach in track. We'd need to organize a competition to discover who can skip 100 meters the fastest. Then we could have people compete by running backwards. Hopping could be fun to watch. Let's get out the burlap bags and see who can go 200 meters. I mean really, this is stupid. Why don't we just cut swimming down to the freestyle competition?
January 8, 2006
During finals week I discovered that I am responsible for the deaths of untold elderly citizens. You see it seems like everytime I give a test a grandparent dies.
Here's how it works: Step 1) I give an exam. Step 2) One or more of my students doesn't attend. Step 3) Invariably some of them inform me that they couldn't make it to the exam because they had to attend their grandparent's funeral. Step 4) I'm not impressed and I don't let them take the exam since they should have told me of their absence ahead of time. (Last I checked funerals were planned in advance, not secretive and spontaneous.)
But now I realize I have been missing the point. For years I have just been passing off these "passing ons" as unfortunate coincidences, but now I have come to see the light. I give exams, grandparents die. Could it be any simpler than that. Perhaps grandparents only die when college exams are given? If this is true than my tests are actually killing old people.
Perhaps it's crazy, but it's all the reason I need to decide that I'm certainly not helping my grandkids go to college...