The Labyrinth

The Labyrinth tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2007:/fstone//29 2007-04-06T21:45:04Z This site is dedicated to Richard Featherstone's random epiphanies. About the author. Movable Type 3.34 Escaped the Maze tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2007:/fstone//29.3910 2007-04-06T21:41:55Z 2007-04-06T21:45:04Z

This weblog is now defunct. My new weblog is currently located at LiveCriminology. It's been fun. . ....

LiveCriminology. It's been fun. . . ]]> What the Fizz! tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.3005 2006-11-17T22:13:50Z 2006-11-17T22:19:02Z

You know how our society is inundated with warning labels. Well, I think Pepsi and Coca-Cola trucks should have a big, bright bumper sticker on the back that says: "DANGER: In Case of Earthquake, Truck may Explode." The truth about Spinach tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2674 2006-09-19T15:27:41Z 2006-09-19T15:41:27Z

As a kid my mom used to tell me that I should eat my spinach because it was good for me. I hated spinach and would refuse to touch the stuff. Then mom would use the example of Popeye, and...

As a kid my mom used to tell me that I should eat my spinach because it was good for me. I hated spinach and would refuse to touch the stuff. Then mom would use the example of Popeye, and explain that when he ate his spinach he would become strong; hence, I too would benefit if I ate spinach. I never really bought the idea, but now I know what's wrong with this analogy. Let me count the ways. 1) The only reason Popeye ate the spinach in the first place was because he was weak. A strong person would have been able to resist eating spinach. Weakness = eating spinach. 2) Once Popeye did eat spinach he became violent. Bruto always got beaten up. Now I've been known to violently resist eating spinach, but that's defensive behavior not aggression towards others. Therefore Spinach = aggression 3) Whenever Popeye ate spinach he became unconcerned about the environment. Popeye would down a can of spinach and then toss the empty can willy-nilly to the side. Hence Spinach = despoilment of nature. More than enough reason for me to avoid the icky stuff. What do you think about that mom? Doesn't make Cents tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2526 2006-08-25T01:27:25Z 2006-08-25T01:40:01Z

Ever notice how Americans will literally drive across town to get gasoline for a couple cents cheaper per gallon? So on an 18 gallon tank they saved a total of 36 cents. Yippee! 'Course they burned a quarter of a gallon to get to the station. Now consider this. Americans buy millions of 20 oz. bottles of water every year. The average individual price is about a dollar a bottle. It takes 6.4 of these bottles to equal a gallon. That means we pay a little over $6 a gallon for bottled water without giving it a second thought. Silly humans. Don't be a baby! tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2456 2006-08-13T01:47:57Z 2006-08-14T15:19:04Z

So here's a quandry for you. Why do we use the word "baby" as a term of endearment? That's like calling your sweatheart an incontinent moron with a muscular disorder. Think about it. Babies scream. They poop themselves. They're constantly regurgitating their food. It's not a pretty picture. Some phrases of affection work, some don't. Let's review. . . "Darling"... great! "Honey"... good. "Sugar"... good. "Snuggle bunny"... strange, but okay. "Sweetie pie"... may be short for sweet potato pie, so it's a toss up. "Precious"... not unless you're looking to be hurled into Mt. Doom. The Lego Law tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2438 2006-07-30T23:51:31Z 2006-07-31T00:10:00Z

Sociology doesn't have any social laws. In other words it can't absolutely predict human behavior. Perhaps the closest thing we have is the Rule of Reciprocity. If you do someone a favor, he or she will pretty much feel obliged to do one for you, and most people will, but not everyone. The jerks. But I have developed a social law. I like to call it the Lego Law. And here is how it works. If several children are playing with legos and one of them builds a tower. The other kid will. . . You guessed it; knock the tower down! It's a fact as predictable as gravity. Which come to think of it is why the tower always tumbles over. Cool! Two laws working together. Turn Down the Heat tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2401 2006-06-29T02:38:32Z 2006-06-29T02:54:52Z

So I buy a cup of tea at a Starbucks the other day and I burn my tongue it's so scolding hot. I mean the fires of hell are probably not much more searing than my drink was. And I...

So I buy a cup of tea at a Starbucks the other day and I burn my tongue it's so scolding hot. I mean the fires of hell are probably not much more searing than my drink was. And I start to think... Why don't coffee shops offer you temperature options for their hot drinks? So for example you order a tea and they ask you whether you would like it near boiling, "blow on it" hot, or sipping warm. I think this could be easily done and I bet customers would like the option. Blog Warning tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2353 2006-06-06T12:45:00Z 2006-06-06T12:49:40Z

Just a quick note to all my readers that I did not post the previous comment. I think my daughter decided to blog on her own. I guess that's what will happen when you put the computer in the baby's room. Now I know why she's been so quiet the last couple of nights. She's been Internet surfing. I guess that explains all the mysterious Toys R Us purchases that appear on my credit card statement this month. Silly girl! Baby Talk tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2330 2006-05-28T19:12:39Z 2006-05-28T19:21:35Z

So for a long time I'm thinking that babies are pretty selfish. You feed them, you change them, you bathe them, etc. But then I realized that babies speak baby language and older Americans speak English. They communicate with cries, we communicate with words. We don't understand them, and they don't understand us. But guess what? Babies learn our language, we don't learn theirs. Who's the selfish one now? Meals and Wheels tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2307 2006-05-14T19:44:52Z 2006-05-14T19:52:50Z

Here's an idea for anyone with unreliable transportation and a residence near a pizza delivery restaurant. If you are ever out and about and discover you need a ride home--simply call the pizza delivery place near where you live and order a pizza. They deliver it to your location in just a few minutes. You pay the pizza guy and bum a ride back to the restaurant. You then walk the couple blocks home. Dinner and a lift for a reasonable price, what more could you ask for? The Necessary New Car Ripoff tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2246 2006-04-22T23:41:38Z 2006-04-26T17:47:12Z

It seems like every new car I see these days has the dealership's name painted or glued to the back of the vehicle. Why do car purchasers put up with this? What's next, real estate agents spray painting their names and cell phone numbers to the front of the houses they sell? We would never let the local appliance store permanent marker their name to the front of our refrigerator, so why do we allow car dealers to put their advertising on something we had to pay thousands of dollars for? They should be paying us to do their advertising. I'm not suggesting we remove these name badges ourselves. We shouldn't have to mess with these stupid things. Instead, we should tell the dealership we won't buy a car from their lot unless they remove the advertising. If enough people do this, the jokers will learn that it's not worth their time and money to stick this stuff on the cars in the first place. Another idea is to leave the name badges/decals on. But then buy some magnetic phrases and stick them around the dealership's name. So next to their decal, "Smith's Community Ford, Waterloo, IA" you could put the words, "The Ripoff Experts." It won't be long before dealerships realize it would be a better idea to forgo the advertising. Bird Down! tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2212 2006-04-10T01:11:33Z 2006-04-10T01:16:57Z

So a stork delivered my baby a few weeks ago. Nice bird really. It's too bad I had to shoot him. You know, you never can be too careful about protecting your family from avian flu....

So a stork delivered my baby a few weeks ago. Nice bird really. It's too bad I had to shoot him. You know, you never can be too careful about protecting your family from avian flu. Meaningless Mascots tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2165 2006-03-25T02:58:37Z 2006-03-25T03:11:57Z

Here's an idea to go with my last posting. Why is our school mascot a panther? Are there any panthers in Iowa? Have there ever been any panthers in Iowa? I bet we don't have a zoo in Iowa that...

Here's an idea to go with my last posting. Why is our school mascot a panther? Are there any panthers in Iowa? Have there ever been any panthers in Iowa? I bet we don't have a zoo in Iowa that has a panther. Let's be honest, a panther is a dumb mascot for an Iowa team. I say we choose a mascot that connects with our community or our region. So I'll suggest two options and you let me know if you have a better idea. 1) the Windstormers. Anyone who has walked across campus on a windy day would agree that our campus has more than its share of strong breezes. 2) the Whitetails. Frankly, this one may not sound tough or powerful like a panther, but whitetail deer actually do live all around our campus. Moreover, Iowa has had more deer entered into the Boone and Crockett record book than any other state. Moreover we have a strong John Deere presence in our community. So my money is on the Whitetails. What do you think? By Any Other Name tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.2132 2006-03-15T02:12:07Z 2006-03-15T03:24:45Z

The University of Northern Iowa has an unacceptable name. Why do we have a compass direction in our title? The University of Iowa is further east than the other Regent schools, but it's not called the University of Eastern Iowa. We aren't even that far north. If we want equal status with the other schools then we shouldn't be treated like the illegitimate step-sister. Here's my idea. Let's rename ourselves Iowa University. There's an Iowa State University and there's a University of Iowa. Let them keep their names. I guess Iowa State wants to make sure that you think of them as a university representing the whole state rather than just Iowa County Wisconsin or, God help us, Iowa City. And the University of Iowa is obviously convinced that having a preposition in their name is somehow critical. So fine, no problem; we'll go with Iowa University. Short, sweet, and to the point. Don't freak out. Remember our University has already changed its name several times. It started in 1876 as the Normal School. In 1909 it changed its name to the Iowa State Teachers College. In 1961 it became the State College of Iowa. It was renamed the University of Northern Iowa in 1967. I think 40 years is long enough. It's time for an improvement. I'm tired of being the school that sounds like "you and I." Are you with me? Go IU! Pop this Bubble tag:weblogs.uni.edu,2006:/fstone//29.1958 2006-02-05T19:27:44Z 2006-02-05T19:50:07Z

Ever get frustrated trying to open a product you just bought? The other day I purchased a 4 port USB hub for my computer. It was packaged in some heavy duty, military grade bubble plastic. You know what I'm talking about, that thick, tightly sealed plexiglass material that lets you see what you cannot touch. Anyway, after a few desperate minutes of trying to rip it open, banging it on the ground, and slashing at it with a steak knife I decided to find some industrial cutting tools to slice the thing apart. After searching for awhile I found a brand new pair of scissors, unfortunately they were still in their plastic bubble wrap packaging. Dang it! That's when it hit me--as soon as I get the broken parts of my USB hub out of this packaging, I'm going to keep a piece of this plastic and use it to cut open future packaging. Heck, the stuff is sharp enough to slice tomatoes.