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August 31, 2009
Golf on the Tube: Even Duller Than Golf Itself
I'm one of millions of Americans for whom digital TV equals fewer, not more, stations. My satellite dish is upstairs, but my exercise bike is in the basement.
I got on my bike late yesterday. It was a Sunday afternoon in August. So that meant--to my horror--golf on television.
To me, watching golf on TV is one of the warning signs of major depression. However, I convinced myself that I was not watching golf--golf was the background noise to my exercise bicycle. I rationalized and "clicked."
And what did I see? Well, golf. It was the commentary that disturbed me. A professional golfer would hit the ball to within a few feet of the hole, and the announcer would say something like, "That will give Tiger a birdie."
How does the soft-voiced analyst know? The golfer could miss his next (easy) shot. Or he suddenly could need to expel a kidney stone. Or something else. Golf commentators are not really prescient. With the present so boring, they are forced to predict the future.
Golf on television. It is a futile existential exercise. Next time, I'm going with the infomercial.
Posted by hockey at August 31, 2009 10:17 AM