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September 29, 2009
Continuity of Operations Plan (COOP) for Academic Departments
[Recently, we were asked by the administration to prepare a plan for how we would maintain our classes in the face of an "emergency that might result in the inability to use the physical facilities of the university." No specifics were provided. - TH]
Students will assemble at the crater. (Dr. Potter, bring the Geiger.) We will then proceed to a stream bed where we can pull up pieces of slate. From there we will travel to a limestone quarry to collect chalk.
Graphite from an old coal mine will be smeared on sharp sticks. Wood debris—there will be a lot of this—will be shaved and made damp with non-potable water. The resulting slurry will be spread over lattice works of twigs and left to dry. Natural berry dye will be added to the resulting Blue Books.
After killing a light-furred animal, we will stretch the hide over a wall. (Note: find intact wall.) A nearby smoldering ruin will provide light so that the instructor may make shadow puppets appear. We will call this a PowerlessPoint Presentation.
Once class begins, faculty not responsible for the lesson will hum quietly behind the students--thereby simulating the ear buds that the students are used to wearing during lecture. Teaching faculty may omit the obligatory, “Class, please turn your cell phones off, it’s time to begin.” A “No Food or Drink” sign probably will not be necessary. If a student asks about parking stickers, slap him across the face.
Posted by hockey at September 29, 2009 10:25 AM